Have you ever gone out to the bar and ended up sitting on your ass watching T.V.? What a waste of an evening! The proper way to enjoy the atmosphere of any bar, be it a night of celebration or merely bar hopping, is to come prepared. By bringing with you a few bar tricks up your sleeve, taking the time to memorize a few lines worth of jokes, and a quick smile, you can not only have an amazing time at the bar, but also become the center of the party! Don’t let your bar experience leave you with a bland evening. Here are some tips for the practical art of beginning legerdemain:

First off, remember, that as the night goes on, people are getting more and more wasted. So if your bar tricks aren’t very good at first, just start your evening out later. Take an hour or so to practice card tricks and read up on stupid jokes before you go out. Often, the only difference between a good joke and a bad one is timing. It doesn’t really matter what the joke is (remember… timing!), and also, as the night goes on, the same joke will become funnier to people that have already heard it. This is known as one of the basic concepts of comedy: Repetition is the key to humor. Timing and repetition. Repetition and timing are the keys to humor!

So now that you have a few jokes memorized, don’t forget to practice some sleight of hand (a type of legerdemain). Some basic palming can get you pretty far (making coins appear from ears, in drinks, etc), but a card counting trick will get you farther. One of the best ways to get people to buy you drinks is to place bets on whether you can pull a trick off. Your pocket book may suffer for this, of course, unless you are practiced. Remember that the trick can be a simple as folding a $20 bill to show the twin towers burning to hammering a nail into your face (a trick that is dangerous and takes training and practice: DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS!!!). Presentation is everything.

Here is one effective act of bar legerdemain (in other words, a bar trick) that anyone can do:

Turning a One-Dollar Bill Into a Five

I first saw performed by the showman David Apocalypse as he was talking up a crowd. First off, you have to start up some conversation. A bad joke is good for this. Maybe mention some magic act you have seen. Once you spark some interest, make a friendly wager: ‘I can turn a dollar bill into a five”, you say, “Buy me a drink and I’ll show you how.”

Most folks will be hooked by this line. So you get a dollar bill from them, and start talking about this and that, maybe roll up your sleeves, all the while rolling the bill tightly in a diagonal fashion, maybe unrolling it and rolling it long ways, chatting up your audience with another joke or two, stories, and the like.

Start bending the bill into the proper shape, a straight bar for the top, a ninety degree angle, a little further down another ninety degree angle, basically people should be deeply entranced by your conversation by this time, and at the end of the story, you lay down on the table a dollar bill rolled up and bent into the shape 5. The best thing about this bit of legerdemain is that it is basically a joke, and as long as you maintain the proper wording and misdirection (in the case of smart asses), you can take a drink from almost anyone in a bar.

The coup de grace of this trick is putting the dollar bill from the mark into the bartender’s tip jar. This ensures that you maintain a good relationship with your host, which will avoid the circumstance of inhospitality with repeat performances at the same bar.

Often, people will offer you drinks just for telling a good story, and it is always nice to be able to return the offer. Skill with bar tricks, legerdemain, and storytelling will get you free drinks. Better yet, these skills will make you valuable allies. And even more valuable, friends. Everyone likes an entertainer, and by developing and sharing such skills you will enhance the evening for all present. Don’t let another night go by staring at the re-runs in your local bar. You are there to meet people after all, aren’t you? Now go out there and wow ‘em!